


Fire Emblem Fates: Shitfest

by mememe2595



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Musou | Fire Emblem Warriors, Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: I'll write quality fan fiction someday, Multi, SHIIIIIIIIT, Worst FE game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 11:42:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14519775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mememe2595/pseuds/mememe2595
Summary: I was bored so I decided to post some shitpost fan fiction that I "created" using a fan fiction generator.It's rated Explicit because I don't know what kind of shit the generator is gonna make up. It'll most likely be SFW. If it's NSFW then I'll label it as *EXPLICIT* .Here's a link to the generator if you wanna use it: https://www.plot-generator.org.uk/Have fun reading and have a good day.





	1. Stab of a Dragon

Leo suspected something was a little off when his sister, Camilla tried to stab him when he was just six years old. Nevertheless, he lived a relatively normal life among other humans.

It wasn't until he bumped into the devilishly sadistic dragon, Corrin, that his life finally began to make sense.

However, Corrin proved to be kind and seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with swinging a sword. Leo soon learnt that Corrin had taken an oath never to kiss a human being.

When Leo's insane Camilla is injured in a battle accident, Leo realizes his own life is at risk.

Despite Corrin's long, white hair and red eyes, Leo finds himself falling for the dragon. Only fate will decided whether he kills or protects him.

One night, a faceless appears before Leo and warns him of a darkness within Corrin. The faceless gives Leo the deadly Brynhildr - the only weapon that can defeat a sadistic dragon.

Will Leo find it in himself to kill the only creature who has ever made him feel truly anxious? (Hint: yes!)


	2. Heads of our enemies (AU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Found a new fanfiction generator. It's even worse. It was made with fanficmaker.com
> 
> This one is godawful. It's also Corrin/Xander.
> 
> The Nohrian gang gets bored and Jakob attacks.

It was a darj and snowy night. Corrin had been bored, so bored, you wooldn’t bleve it.   
She had been there together in the room with Leo and Lilith. Normally they could perfectly entertain each other, but not this time. And to make matters worse, it was almost impossible to go to town. It was too snowy, too dark.

“Urgh,” said Leo, “I wish Jakob would attack. At least we’d have something to do.”  
Lilith agreed, “I agree,” she said and started throwing carpet at the wall, just to catch it again when it bounced off. “Uuuurgh,” she then said as well, because she agreed with Leo, “Don’t you know anything to do, Corrin?”  
. 

 

Corrin’s gaze went down the room, past g-string and a stack of wooden swords. Then Her eye fell onto a mysterious bulge beneath a blooded cloth.

I know,” said Corrin, “How about we play...............spin...the....HEAD OF OUR ENEMIES!”

“What a superb idea”  
“Oh year!”  
Elise and Xander also peaked up “Yeaaaah!”

So they all sad down and Corrin took the disembodied head first. Hilariously, it landed on Xander, but Corrin thought Xander was quite a bit too creepy and really didn't want to kiss the man. She hoped the others might have mistook it for landing on Lilith, but judging the howls of laughter and the rising anticrepation in the room, they probably didn't.

"But but dont you all see it really landed on Lilith?"  
"Laaawl no, u shuld kiss Xander," said Nigga fagot. The fact that she said it made Corrin feel rejected :( 

But then, all the sudden.... Jakob attacked!

Jakob sat on His throne wetly. He knew there was something wrong. Of course, Jakob had looked into the sacred manakin, but that could tell Him nothing. 

He got up and called for their men. (A/N: Last year, Jakob had actually gained control over the demonic armies of the underworld. It's a really cool story. Maybe I'll write it some day!)

"Massster," the biggest of the demonic generals spoke to Jakob. "The seers in our army have heard the whispers of the dark blood. The Prophecy is about to come true!"

"The Prophecy?!"

"Yes, the Prophecy!"

"Then I know what to do," said Jakob. "I want you to go Northern Fortress....and steal Leo from Corrin!

"It will be my pleasure!" the vile creature spoke and with a zwoof he raised up and flapped on his wings away. Onto Northern Fortress, where he knew Leo would be.

In the darkest of dark nights. Between the sun dawn and the sun dusk, the demons would arrive. And before Leo could realise, a large army had amassed before their doorstep. But Leo would not go without a fight. And for a brief moment, it looked like they'd get the upper hand. But then the demons used their infernal power. And down Leo went. Captured by the demonic army. All now, helpless in their darkest caves underneath. In a special prison they had prepared for Leo. 

And in the distance, Leo was sure they could hear Jakob laugh. Oh no, they thought, if only Leo could warn Corrin not to come. Because this was a trap. Leo was sure of it. They'd seen Jakob do this sort of thing before. But then, back then, it was with guiter. It was quite a fight that time in order to save Xander but eventually they prevalied althought Leo didn't know if they could do it now, after all, Leo was captured and now trapped with the demons in the prison below in the cave. Chained up, beaten, threatened with unspeakable acts that the demons all too sure loved to talk about. But it was a trap, and despite that, Leo would love in Corrin would come. Gosh, Leo wished they could defeat Jakob on their own. But Jakob was too strong and had the Prophecy on their side. There was not much to do. Except, maybe, maybe Corrin could save them. But it could still be a trap. Of that, Leo was sure of..........   
And when everyone was ready to go, suddenly, the door opened!

"????!!" questioned Corrin exclaimingly.  
Because in the doorway, no other than Jakob stood! 

But instead Jakob's usual smirk, there was confusion on his face!  
"Who.... who am I?" mutered Jakob  
"Who are you?!" Corrin said.  
"Who *is* he?!" Elise also said (a/n lol she aint very smart lol).  
"Who... who am I?" Jakob repeated... "I don't know who I am!"  
"Zomg, Jakob lost his memory!" concluded Leo smartly.   
"Indeed, that is the only logical explanation," said Corrin, who of course had thought of it before Leo did but was too noble and modest to say so. 

"Well, I say we kill him now." said Xander.  
"That is a good idea," said Corrin and she reached for her slingshot.

But then all the sudden, they were surrounded! By Jakob's Mercenaryss!  
"Lord!" they said. "We have brought you the some sweet dick!"  
The some sweet dick! Corrin saw it within the hands of the troll. As ever as revoking as it always had been.   
If only Corrin could get to it!  
Then Corrin remembered... She had the power of reading!

Before Jakob could turn to the minions, Corrin lept forward and grabbed the some sweet dick from golum's hands. Corrin then apologised profoundly and patted the troll on their back.  
"Jakob," said Corrin, "I'm sorry, but it's better for you never ever to remember who you were." And with Corrin's transforming into a dragon, she crushed the some sweet dick.  
"Noooooo!" Jakob said, "Now I will never know who I am!"

"Well, I'm not going to let you get away with all the misery you've caused!" yelled Xander. He grabbed a wand and smashed Jakob's head open.   
For a moment, Jakob looked confused... and the said: "But I... I don't know what I did wrong!"  
And he died.  
And everyone applauded, even the golum because despite Jakob having lost his memory, the evil was still inside them. Ready to come out. Even under a different personality. So Xander really did the right thing.


	3. 6034 Pretty Pegasus and an Axe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camilla x Takumi and shit goes down.

Takumi of Hoshido was thinking about Camilla of Nohr again. Camilla was a special succubus with magenta eyes and pale legs.

Takumi walked over to the window and reflected on his watery surroundings. He had always loved beautiful lake with its grim, gloopy grass. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel agitated.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a special figure of Camilla of Nohr.

Takumi gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a flamboyant, thicc, wine drinker with thicc eyes and long legs. His friends saw him as a warm, warty witch boy. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for a melted heart.

But not even a flamboyant person who had once made a cup of tea for a melted heart, was prepared for what Camilla had in store today.

The tornado teased like blinking kitsune, making Takumi shocked. Takumi grabbed a thick axe that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Takumi stepped outside and Camilla came closer, he could see the xanthocarpous smile on her face.

Camilla gazed with the affection of 6034 serious pretty pegasus. She said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want romantic partner."

Takumi looked back, even more shocked and still fingering the thick axe. "Camilla, princess Camilla! I need to speak with you," he replied.

They looked at each other with aroused feelings, like two wide-eyed, wasteful wyvern screaming at a very clever tea party, which had classical music playing in the background and two charming uncles crying to the beat.

Suddenly, Camilla lunged forward and tried to punch Takumi in the face. Quickly, Takumi grabbed the thick axe and brought it down on Camilla's skull.

Camilla's magenta eyes trembled and her pale legs wobbled. She looked worried, her emotions raw like a yucky, yellow yumi.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Camilla of Nohr was dead.

Takumi of Hoshido went back inside and made himself a nice glass of wine.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made on www.plot-generator.org.uk


	4. Booksend Contest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo joins a book-reading competition.
> 
> Made on http://fanficmaker.com
> 
> Read the note at the end of the chapter!

"Welcome ladies and gentleman to the world championship reading booksing contest!" 

Felicia's voice boomed across the large Arena.  
The reading booksadome was the largest in the world. Far bigger then the one in Atlanta - this one was able to hold 2 trillion fans.

Leo and Corrin had just arrived by pure black horse.  
"This is it!"  
"Yes!"  
"I never thought Id make it all the way to the final"  
"I always knew you could make it, Leo, your my champion!""  
"Thanks Corrin, but I'll need more then your vote to win this. I'll need to give it my all to become the number 1 reading books champion of Nohr!"

"..and it wont be enough" said a horrible voice from behind them.  
It was Xander!  
"I'll win this contest fair and square. Then everyone will bow down before me.....the one true champion of reading books....and lord of evil!!"  
"No that will never come to pass! I'll stop you" said our Leo heroically.  
"ha"  
With that Xander twirled of into the Arena.

"We must win now. We must!"

 

 

In the darkness of that night, away from the preying eyes and ears of those who would judge, some strangers slipped by unnoticed.

But they were not strangers, they knew each-other. And they knew each-other much closer then any of their friends did realize.  
They knew each-other both inside and out. But their friends did not know this. Their friends could not know. Their friends should not know this.  
Nor could they know. Because it was night, and thus away from their viscous, judging eyeballs.

"Is it safe?" said the first stranger, who was not a stranger to the other stranger but will remain a stranger to us for the moment.

"I think so. Its dark so none of the others should see us here, even if they are nearby. I think our secret is safe."

"Good. I couldn't take their judgement right now. My life is too stressful as it is. If it wasn't for you I don't know what Id do."  
"Don't worry Leo, I will always be here for you - waiting in the dark"  
"Thanks, Corrin. I will always be in the dark for you too"

With that the two shadows embraced - an embracement in the night full of passion and romance.  
Before the contest, Leo and her friends decided to take a tour of the arena.  
Aside from the normal restaurants and reading books gift shops,and orgy rooms, there was also a museum. A museum dedicated to the history and art of reading books.

As they had done the other stuff already, they decided to goto the museum.  
Originally, reading books wasn't that popular as a sport, but in recent years it had become the most popular sport in the world due to the popularity of Fire Emblem Fates. Some people missed other sports at first, but slowly it was just accepted that reading books was the best sport on Nohr.  
They looked at the giant diorama of the first reading books-ing contest. There was a button they could press and the animatronics would act out famous events in its history.

There was also giant pieces of reading booksing equipment all around the museum.  
Odin looked at one particularly large display.  
"Its magnificent"  
"yes, it is."  
Just then though the display started wobbling.  
"oh, no...its coming down!"

Odin pushed Leo out the way just as it crashed down.

"oww...I am trapped" said Odin, who was now trapped under the rubble.  
Leo tried to move the rubble but couldn't.  
"Sorry, Odin but I cant move it".  
"You will have to go on without me! Its almost time to start!"  
"Ok, I'll be going to the arena then"  
Leo walked to the museum door....but it was locked!  
"No...I am trapped!" said Leo.  
Leo had no choice now, so she pulled the fire alarm. 

By the time the fireman had rescued them, however, it was already half-time. Leo had missed the whole first half of the competition!

For a moment time seemed to slowed down. Leo wondered why. Leo turned around slowly (due to the time seeming to have slowed down).  
Then the explanation - Corrin was secretly looking at her. Looking at her in that special way.  
Leos soul lit up like a beacon in the night - even though it was day.

In all of this. In all of this mess. They had eachother, even if eachother was the only ones that knew.  
Corrin turned away at that moment - Time jumped back to normal as Leo was no longer transfixiated by Corrin.  
Fortunately no one else had noticed.  
As Odin was carried taken to hospital by pure black horse, Leo and Corrin retired to the locker room.  
Xander was already there, still grinning.

"Oh what a shame. Odin isn't going to compete any more. Even doing nothing I'm going to come second. You know...I might just let you win..out of my....generosity... " Xander sniggered again.

With that Xander left out the backdoor.

"Gosh darn-it" Corrin said. "Xander drives me mad! "  
"You know, I think he had something to do with Odins accident " 

Leo was thinking. hard.

"Xander is never generous. Lack of generosity is his number one defining characteristic. Well, that and evil"  
"That means..." said Corrin, her slow cogs working.  
"...He wants to come second!" said Leo, thinkingly.  
"Do you think thats..."  
"....because he wants the second prize medal!" said Leo, winning again.  
"It must be because the second prize is really condoms "  
"Yes, now that Iook at the second prize I notice it now. Its clearly the condoms"  
"That explains why someone would want to become second!"  
"Exactly!"

"So we have to beat Xander by being the best at coming second? How are we going to do that...you have never lost before! "  
"I know" said Leo. "I am not sure I know how"  
"You got to though. Just this once you got to come second!"  
"No I cant. But I have an idea....you could compete!"  
"Me?" said Corrin, surprised. "Do they even allow girls like me to do reading books?  
"Yes, its a modern contest, a few girls like me have already competed. I'll win the contest as normal, and you will come second. You can do this!"  
"Ok Leo, I'll do it. I'll do it for you"

Then the Gong went again, the final leg of the reading books contest had begun! 

Some time later in their secret hide-away ;

"I am glade we found a way to survive all that and still be together"  
"Yes, our plan seems to have worked despite all the events"  
"Do you think anyone spotted us?"  
"No"  
"No"  
"Yes"  
Raven Shadowmoon emerged from the shadows of the darkness.  
"I know everything" she said.  
Leo and Corrin gasped. Their secret was finally revealed!

"I dont love Corrin like you do" said Raven Shadowmoon "but I have always lusted a bit after them. So you see if Corrin spends the night with me - I will never tell anyone."  
Leo breathed a sigh of relief. That was, after all, a reasonable request. They agreed to the bargain.  
"Phwee...thats something we can go along with" said Corrin relieved.  
Raven Shadowmoon was happy, and Leo and Corrin thus got to live happily ever after together. With no one but Raven Shadowmoon and themselves ever knowing.  
As they walked into the reading booksing Arena again there was applause from the crowd.  
Xander was lying down relaxing - clearly pretty relaxed.  
"I want to compete!" shouted Corrin, proudly wearing a reading booksing kit already.  
"What!?" said Xander sitting bolt upright in panic.  
"Yes, I am competing" said Corrin.  
"I have checked the rules and its allowed" said Felicia, who was the reading booksing referee.  
"GAH! I'll bet you anyway" said Xander as he desperately starting reading booksing.

Leo was already well in the lead by now, so he turned around and watched the real contest - the one between Xander and Corrin.  
Corrin had to get that second prize. The Nohr depended upon it.

"You cant defeat me" screamed Xander as he started reading booksed internsely.  
"I have to! Leo believes in me! " 

The contest went on a long time. Aside from Leo, Corrin and Xander were the best reading books-ers in the world.  
The crowd went wild as they approached the finish.

"Come on Corrin! You can do it! " said Leo who had already won an hour ago.

Spurred on by Leo Corrin put in a last burst of effort, doing a stunning reading books move and finnishing spectacularly.

"Nooooooooooooo...." screamed Xander.

Felicia fired the crossbow that officially marked the contest as over.

"Nooooooooooooo...." screamed Xander.

"Well dont Corrin! You have come second and officially get the second prize award " said Felicia as she handed Corrin the second prize award.

"Nooooooooooooo...." screamed Xander.

Corrin looked at the prize and it was the condoms! Leo had been right all along. She gave it to Leo as she knew only they should be trusted with it. 

"Nooooooooooooo...." screamed Xander.

"Ok, the Nohr is safe now " said Leo.  
"Thank you Leo!" screamed the crowd.  
Leo took a bow.

With that Xander got arrested and everyone else went home. 

-The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna post whatever for now. If you want a story with any particular characters, then request them in the comments.


End file.
